In order to have an effective Conversation and achieve what the so called “Feedback Loop” where Communication flows, it is necessary to have the right mindset. Luckily that mindset only takes little practice and anyone can achieve it.
If you want the conversation to flow and stay constructive, both parties need to assume that what the other one says is right and ask themselves what it could be right of. When I explain to an audience I often get replies such as "I just assume they are right??" or "No matter if I know the person well or not?". The answer is yes, in order to have free flowing communication with mutual respect, it is necessary to assume the truth in order to establish the trust. Humans a trained to read facial expressions as part of our exchange and if you are feeling judgmental, chances are the other individual is perceiving it.
What has been showing in Western Culture is that most conversations turn negative, controversial or skeptic, because each side assumes what the other one is saying is wrong and is wondering what it could be wrong of. You might have observed similar mindsets in relationship arguments, office disputes or family fights.
What assumptions do you have in conversations? Do you assume what the other person is saying is true or false?
Turn your awareness on and catch yourself if you are in a judgmental mindset, it might just cost you the outcome you desired.
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If you would like to learn more about Feedback Loops and better Communication, I also recommend the classic "The gentle art of verbal self-defense" by Suzette Haden Elgin.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Understanding the Secret behind our Purchases
What is it you are really looking for?
What is it that you crave when you feel compelled to make a purchase? Many times when we hear the voice of a product calling our name, it is really an internal feeling we are looking to satisfy.
You might notice that some products you purchase because of their beauty, the confidence they might give you, the significance or recognition you are looking for. When you go shopping, what are you attracted to? What does this product symbolize to you? What is it that makes you feel good about your purchase?
It is a well-known fact that shoe sales rise when the economy takes a bad turn. We all can tend to live beyond our means sometimes and then often notice the guilt that follows.
We also have a need for comfort, love and significance. Especially if you feel a lack of any of those needs, you unconsciously look to fill it with a purchase. Luxury purchases are created to give us the feeling of recognition and accomplishment. The product however will only make you feel better temporarily, in order to make the satisfaction, real changes are necessary!
If you know the emotions you are looking for, you know what you crave. It rarely is the product you are after, but the resulted feeling inside of you. What is it you are craving? What is the change you need? What do you really want in your life, that might be missing? Knowing this will give you power and control to make your own choices and satisfy any needs you have!
What is it that you crave when you feel compelled to make a purchase? Many times when we hear the voice of a product calling our name, it is really an internal feeling we are looking to satisfy.
You might notice that some products you purchase because of their beauty, the confidence they might give you, the significance or recognition you are looking for. When you go shopping, what are you attracted to? What does this product symbolize to you? What is it that makes you feel good about your purchase?
It is a well-known fact that shoe sales rise when the economy takes a bad turn. We all can tend to live beyond our means sometimes and then often notice the guilt that follows.
We also have a need for comfort, love and significance. Especially if you feel a lack of any of those needs, you unconsciously look to fill it with a purchase. Luxury purchases are created to give us the feeling of recognition and accomplishment. The product however will only make you feel better temporarily, in order to make the satisfaction, real changes are necessary!
If you know the emotions you are looking for, you know what you crave. It rarely is the product you are after, but the resulted feeling inside of you. What is it you are craving? What is the change you need? What do you really want in your life, that might be missing? Knowing this will give you power and control to make your own choices and satisfy any needs you have!
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Quick Time Management Exercise
Here is a helpful exercise for you to understand which activities cost you time but don't benefit your day:
Take a paper and write down - what are the activities you use to escape from your workday? Is it reading, internet surfing, tv or something else? We all use different activities to escape our day when we feel overwhelmed. What is it for you?
Make a list and take the time to discover what you use to disconnect from stress. Then write down how many hours you spend every day on each of the activities.
Often we try to disconnect or escape and don't realize how much time actually gets lost.
Whenever you get overwhelmed or uncomfortable, there is a chance you find yourself looking for ways to get distracted. Understanding this about yourself is important when it comes to saving time for the things that are really important to you.
When do you notice you want to escape? Which are the tasks that overwhelm you?
In order to maximize your time and increase your Work-Life Balance, it is helpful to know what you are uncomfortable with, where you find yourself procrastinating and what it is you do to escape.
Take a paper and write down - what are the activities you use to escape from your workday? Is it reading, internet surfing, tv or something else? We all use different activities to escape our day when we feel overwhelmed. What is it for you?
Make a list and take the time to discover what you use to disconnect from stress. Then write down how many hours you spend every day on each of the activities.
Often we try to disconnect or escape and don't realize how much time actually gets lost.
Whenever you get overwhelmed or uncomfortable, there is a chance you find yourself looking for ways to get distracted. Understanding this about yourself is important when it comes to saving time for the things that are really important to you.
When do you notice you want to escape? Which are the tasks that overwhelm you?
In order to maximize your time and increase your Work-Life Balance, it is helpful to know what you are uncomfortable with, where you find yourself procrastinating and what it is you do to escape.
Monday, October 29, 2012
You become what you think about, most of the time
No matter how simple this quote seems, it still is one of the most powerful phrases to catch you when you feel stuck: "You become what you think about, most of the time." Brian Tracy
When you start evaluating where you spend your thoughts, you quickly see the worries, challenges or ideas you are obsessed with. You start noticing which relationships you give the most negative/positive attention and what consequences this has. The quality of your life, your career and your relationship will only ever be as good as the quality of the thoughts you have throughout the day.
I probably read or listen to audio books an average of 50-90 Minutes a day, and I have heard this Quote over and over, but I still catch myself rethinking the same challenge like an old record. We all have a part of ourselves that tends to worry. Getting carried away with negative observations or judgements can be very easy and you have to continuously weed your garden of the destructive behavior you detect on yourself. So maybe you want to join me today in asking yourself the following questions: Do you keep replaying the same scenes of challenges, or are you actually looking for solutions? Are you obsessed with problems more than opportunities? If your thoughts were your currency, where do you spend most of them throughout day? Where is your focus? Have you thought about what you really want versus what you are trying to avoid??
If you tend to complain about issues in your life, you already know a great part of you worries more than finds solutions. Try today to look for a solution every time you notice yourself complaining.
When you start evaluating where you spend your thoughts, you quickly see the worries, challenges or ideas you are obsessed with. You start noticing which relationships you give the most negative/positive attention and what consequences this has. The quality of your life, your career and your relationship will only ever be as good as the quality of the thoughts you have throughout the day.
I probably read or listen to audio books an average of 50-90 Minutes a day, and I have heard this Quote over and over, but I still catch myself rethinking the same challenge like an old record. We all have a part of ourselves that tends to worry. Getting carried away with negative observations or judgements can be very easy and you have to continuously weed your garden of the destructive behavior you detect on yourself. So maybe you want to join me today in asking yourself the following questions: Do you keep replaying the same scenes of challenges, or are you actually looking for solutions? Are you obsessed with problems more than opportunities? If your thoughts were your currency, where do you spend most of them throughout day? Where is your focus? Have you thought about what you really want versus what you are trying to avoid??
If you tend to complain about issues in your life, you already know a great part of you worries more than finds solutions. Try today to look for a solution every time you notice yourself complaining.
Monday, October 22, 2012
How can you overcome Procrastination?
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. Eleanor Roosevelt
Most of us know Procrastination but where does it really come from?
Procrastination derives from the deep down fear of failure and rejection in us. Most of us have experienced Procrastination in one area of our life or another and many of you might even know someone who has made a real habit out of it.
Even though common, Procrastination can be dangerous for individuals who have difficulty fighting it. Procrastination is often the beginning to the habit of denial. Not acting on what you know to be right is what gets you in the direction you most likely regret.
The only lasting cure to Procrastination is to stand up and be honest. To say “You know what, this is not the kind of job I wanted for my life.” “You know, this is not the kind of relationship I thought I would have”. “I really did think I could have more and be more than what currently is”. As difficult as it might be, facing something you did not want to settle for is the only action which will help you change your habits.
Many of us guard our comfortzone more dearly than our health, our relationships and our career. We are so used to saying “It is what it is” or “it’s not too bad” that we’ve become real close to a place where we put our own wishes to sleep.
The turning point that changes it all, is to bravely say “You know, honestly, by now I actually wanted to have that job, I actually wanted to have a better relationship with my children, I wanted my business to run well”. The shocking realization of your own disappointment with yourself is exactly what you need to make lasting changes and get where you want to be.
There are times in your life to be gentle to yourself, and then there are times to be brutally honest with yourself and what it is you are willing to settle for. Asking yourself the hard questions is difficult at first, but becomes easier and more rewarding with every action.
We will always have areas in our life to work on, and at the same time it is crucial to face the areas which are holding you back the most. What would that be for you? Where do you feel like you don't want to settle?
Most of us know Procrastination but where does it really come from?
Procrastination derives from the deep down fear of failure and rejection in us. Most of us have experienced Procrastination in one area of our life or another and many of you might even know someone who has made a real habit out of it.
Even though common, Procrastination can be dangerous for individuals who have difficulty fighting it. Procrastination is often the beginning to the habit of denial. Not acting on what you know to be right is what gets you in the direction you most likely regret.
The only lasting cure to Procrastination is to stand up and be honest. To say “You know what, this is not the kind of job I wanted for my life.” “You know, this is not the kind of relationship I thought I would have”. “I really did think I could have more and be more than what currently is”. As difficult as it might be, facing something you did not want to settle for is the only action which will help you change your habits.
Many of us guard our comfortzone more dearly than our health, our relationships and our career. We are so used to saying “It is what it is” or “it’s not too bad” that we’ve become real close to a place where we put our own wishes to sleep.
The turning point that changes it all, is to bravely say “You know, honestly, by now I actually wanted to have that job, I actually wanted to have a better relationship with my children, I wanted my business to run well”. The shocking realization of your own disappointment with yourself is exactly what you need to make lasting changes and get where you want to be.
There are times in your life to be gentle to yourself, and then there are times to be brutally honest with yourself and what it is you are willing to settle for. Asking yourself the hard questions is difficult at first, but becomes easier and more rewarding with every action.
We will always have areas in our life to work on, and at the same time it is crucial to face the areas which are holding you back the most. What would that be for you? Where do you feel like you don't want to settle?
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The Greatest Enemy to Your Growth
We are defined by the difficult choices we make. It is our greatest source of insight and growth.
If you plan on gaining control over your circumstances and you would like to create lasting changes in your life, there is one great enemy to overcome first: Denial.
As simple as it sounds, your chances for change and fulfillment are in direct relationship to your habit of denial. Every one of us has used denial for an area of our life that we feel disappointed about. None of us really likes to hear the ugly truth about our missed opportunities, bad habits or frustration but the ugly truth is the only real motivation you can use to change your circumstances. The moment you are frustrated enough with the honest situation is the moment you notice will enable you to do what is right for you!
Is there an area in your life where you should face your own frustration with yourself? Where do you soften your own disappointment? The only way to overcome is to face the fear and frustration to move toward control and change. You will only be as happy with your life as you feel you are in control over your circumstances. Denial will consistently prevent you from reaching control. Face what’s uncomfortable about yourself and decided to propel your frustration into motivation and energy! This action will have tremendous effects on your self-pride, on your fulfillment and the true happiness that comes with enjoying who you are and the choices you are making!
If you plan on gaining control over your circumstances and you would like to create lasting changes in your life, there is one great enemy to overcome first: Denial.
As simple as it sounds, your chances for change and fulfillment are in direct relationship to your habit of denial. Every one of us has used denial for an area of our life that we feel disappointed about. None of us really likes to hear the ugly truth about our missed opportunities, bad habits or frustration but the ugly truth is the only real motivation you can use to change your circumstances. The moment you are frustrated enough with the honest situation is the moment you notice will enable you to do what is right for you!
Is there an area in your life where you should face your own frustration with yourself? Where do you soften your own disappointment? The only way to overcome is to face the fear and frustration to move toward control and change. You will only be as happy with your life as you feel you are in control over your circumstances. Denial will consistently prevent you from reaching control. Face what’s uncomfortable about yourself and decided to propel your frustration into motivation and energy! This action will have tremendous effects on your self-pride, on your fulfillment and the true happiness that comes with enjoying who you are and the choices you are making!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Secrets behind Instant Gratification
Instant Gratification has such draw that most of us at one point or another chose instant pleasure over long-term gain. No matter your education, age or gender: It’s still difficult sometimes to overcome your inner resistance against working on tasks that have a late pay-off. For some individuals, the gym and exercise are the activities they cannot get themselves to commit to. For others it is discipline in food intake, getting up early in the day or completing the difficult projects on the work to-do list. What is it for you? Where do you find yourself resisting against committing to work for your long-term benefits?
One way to overcome the pull of Instant Gratification is your realization how little you are honest with yourself. The more your give in to Instant Gratification, the more it shows you have found ways to lie to yourself about your reality in this situation. We all prefer immediate positive pleasures but they will not be authentic and genuine satisfaction if one part of you realizes you justified away something that you should have done. Being truly honest with yourself about your choices and your needs has great pay-offs in terms of pride, empowerment and the genuine feeling of being in control of your future. Until you overcome your draw for immediate pleasure, you will struggle against discipline for many years to come. The earlier you do what’s good for you, the easier it gets and the more self pride and true satisfaction you feel for your choices.
You can only change if you are honest with yourself and you find the leverage inside to tell yourself: This is not where I wanted to be at this age. This is not the weight I ever wanted for myself. This is not the lifestyle I would have chosen. Unless you get fed up with your current set of circumstances and eliminate your tendencies to justify away your frustration with saying “It’s not too bad yet” or “I’ll do it tomorrow”, you will stay where you are right now. Make a decision to do today, what you wanted to do weeks or years ago. A great part of you knows the right actions to take, so make a commitment and maybe find someone to hold you accountable - today.
How would you feel if you finally overcame your draw to instant gratification in the areas that matter to you? What would you tell yourself, if you were truly honest with yourself about your reality? What small action could you take today, to commit yourself into the right direction?
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