Secrets to a Happy Marriage

Secrets to a happy Marriage are largely based on what can be called the RAIS formula. These are four Elements that are crucial to any successful Relationship. Our Relationships have the potential to increase our well-being, improve our maturity and sense of growth as well as making our life feel more meaningful. Focus on the following four Elements and you will receive all these benefits and more:

RAIS

Responsibility:

In order to create a happy Marriage you need to be willing to make the relationship your priority and take Responsibility for yourself every day. Responsibility means to commit to be and act your best as well as reflect on your short-comings as you see those happening. Responsibility also means to be honest with yourself if you are not acting as the best partner possible and determine what you need to change.This might sound like work but it actually increases your own awareness of yourself and creates well-being and pride since you feel like you are becoming a better you every day.

When you decide to get married you promise another person you would be there for them, make them a priority and be your best. No matter if it is a good or a bad day, you still need to make good on your commitment to better yourself and act in the best interest of the person you decided to spend your life with.

Appreciation:

The second Factor to a happy Marriage is the Appreciation you show your partner. A lot of times we neglect to verbally appreciate because we feel like the other one either already knows, doesn’t take it well or might take it too well. Each of those excuses are highly destructive when it comes to wanting a happy marriage. Appreciation means you verbally thank your partner sincerely and genuinely for positive actions without any snide or negative after remarks. Positive Feedback just like Appreciation needs to be a stand alone comment so that the other person can take it without having to be afraid or cautious of any negativity.

Every person in this world wants to be appreciated for who they are and what they are good at - if you fail to communicate the appreciation, you basically let the other one know that what they do and who they are does not matter.

Influence:

The third part to creating a happy Marriage is the Factor where you acknowledge that you have tremendous influence over your partner. Each word you speak, every complaint you share or negativity you feel makes a difference in the well-being of your partner.

When you go to a Self-Development Seminar people consistently recommend you to get rid of all the negative people in your life. This is being said because of the tremendous influence our peer group has over us. For this reason you also need to be aware of how negative you are around your partner. If you choose to use your influence and share negativity, critique and harshness, it will result in a low quality of life for all the people in your relationships. Being consistently negative at home borders on selfishness because it means the person neglects the well-being of all the people around him or her. Especially since your marriage is a bond where you rely on each other’s positive, harmonious, constructive influence, it is crucial what you communicate. If you want your marriage to be happy, observe every word that leaves your mouth and make sure that your dialogues have constructive, positive themes.

Self-Esteem:

The fourth and possibly most important Factor to a happy marriage is your Self-Esteem. A happy healthy Self-Esteem makes the Success or Failure of all good relationships. You know yourself that when you feel fear or worry you act differently than when you feel confident and satisfied with yourself. Whatever you might be struggling with in your personal life has a great effect on the quality of your marriage and the happiness of your partner. You need to take care of your own happiness and personal pride in order to have a happy marriage. No matter if it is loosing weight in order to be happy with yourself or achieving the career you really want - it is your responsibility to do what you have to in order to increase your self-esteem.

Since it is your face the other one sees every day, it will always be obvious if that face is distant, worrisome, empty or happy and content. You don’t only owe it to yourself to have greater Self-Esteem and Life Satisfaction, you also owe it to your Partner who decided to spend his or her life in close Proximity to you. Finally, if you have lower Self-Esteem you will feel more easily critical, cynical and negative. On the contrary if you are happy with where your personal life is going, you can bring resilience, stability and strength to your partner and your marriage.

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How to make Your Weekend last

For most of us our weekend usually races by without us actually enjoying it. When Friday comes around we can’t wait to spend the family time but then the next moment it is Sunday and we were unable to relax and regain our strength.

There are eight techniques on how to better enjoy your weekend so that Monday comes around and you feel ready to start your next week. Here are my favorite ways of making a weekend last:

1. Don’t use your weekend for Chores: Instead of putting off errands to the weekend, make sure you take care of smaller chores throughout the week so you can truly rest Saturday and Sunday. The whole weekend can get lost to little unnecessary tasks which could have been resolved in 5 minutes on Monday evening. If you commit to cleaning and grocery shopping 20 minutes each workday, you will have 60% more time to relax on the weekend.

2. Stay away from the Time Holes: Watching TV or surfing the internet will often turn into hours of lost time that you don't remember nor truly enjoy. Be aware that you loose an average of 8 hours each weekend by getting lost in a screen. Try one weekend without looking at any one screen and you will be amazed by the amount of rest you get - most people who try this don’t even know what to do with all the time they have which is a great problem to have. Think about all the time you could have to truly enjoy whats important in your life no matter if it is nature, sports, growth, literature, art or friendships. If you would use all the time in front of screens to learn a new language, you could be fluent in 8 months. When we look at screens, our muscles are still somewhat tensed and our mind is not at ease - so make sure to give yourself the recovery you need.

3. Exercise both Saturday and Sunday: By creating fun active activities or playing a sport you will turn on your blood circulation and release feelings of stress and tenseness. Then you will be able to better enjoy the rest of your day - you will feel vibrant and at ease. Time that you have previously spent on Facebook can be used for getting your blood pressure up which will in turn make you sleep so much deeper.

4. Treat yourself to 8 hours of Sleep and make sure to fall asleep before 11 pm to get the maximum deep sleep recovery: Many people don’t watch when they go to bed which will result in restlessness and lack of energy the next day. Also be aware that watching any tv before sleep will impact your quality of sleep - if you want to stop any tenseness and negativity make sure to turn off our tv at least 2 hours before you go to bed.

5. Have an Hour of Silence on your Weekend: Enjoy an hour of silence where you don’t read, watch tv, listen to music, talk etc. Silence is a treat that will relax your mind and give you the opportunity to digest the overload of information and stimulants you face every day.

6. Be with Yourself: Each weekend you should give yourself a little bit of time to yourself and enjoy it. When we love someone we spend time with them - do the same for yourself. Go out and take a walk just for yourself or schedule a date with yourself where you do something you truly enjoy for 30 minutes to 2 hours. This will make your weekend feel more meaningful.

7. Do something different: Try something new on the weekend. Any activity or exploration you have not tried before will stimulate you in a very positive way, increase your awareness, opportunity to learn and feel excitement.

8. Build Relationships: Positive relationships increase our well-being. Take some time and get to know a person that is close to you. Be curious and find out more about what shaped them and who they are - you will find elements you were not aware of which  will be fascinating and insightful. There is also no better way to be interesting than to be interested.


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Secrets of Your Potential

What is potential?

When you think of potential most people have a variety of abstract thoughts to the subject. Many find it hard to pin down what potential is made of since it is believed it to be just the general ability to have success.

In my experience potential has a definite formula you can follow to to develop your own capability to be successful. Those are the three factors that make you best at whatever you put your mind into.

enthusiasm + curiosity + determination = potential

Every great success I ever met lived with enthusiasm, curiosity and determination. Any thought leader who made a difference embraced a child-like curiosity paired with the determination to work hard to reach your goals - no matter if it was Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein or anyone else who got lost in the excitement for their work. The enthusiasm gives you the drive to find pleasure in your projects. The curiosity symbolizes the openness to listen to new ideas from every angle possible. Enthusiasm and curiosity are often related to the ability to have faith in a person or new project. People who develop  those abilities are not afraid to care and commit to a journey of knowledge and inspiration. It is Crucial to understand that inspiration is only 20% of a project where the determination to work hard is the other 80%. 

If you start to value enthusiasm, curiosity and determination your will notice your excitement for work and life to grow stronger and your sense of purpose to be deeper.

Start to look for projects that make you enthusiastic and excited and don't be afraid to commit to care. If you are curious, start exploring even the simplest objects or situations. Be determined to follow through and take responsibility beginning to end with any projects you take on.

How to build Intuition

“The only real valuable thing is intuition” Albert Einstein

“Often you have to rely on intuition” Bill Gates


Intuition is the capacity to hear your inner voice which points you to the right direction. Companies and major life decisions have been built purely based on intuition. The former owner of the company Sony used to make his business decisions with intuition just through listening on his gut-feeling when it comes to making one choice or another. Intuition is based on the child-like faith that you your gut feeling is as valid as any one reason can be.

We all have intuition, however many of us feel our intuition is weak or non-existent when we need it.

So how to we foster our inner voice, especially if it has been so silent? 
The first step is to listen in on your inner gut feeling and tendencies concerning any type of situation. We rarely listen to ourselves which is why our inner voice becomes smaller and smaller until we don’t hear it any more.
If we don’t give a voice to our inner gut feeling it will become a whisper. On the contrary the more we listen to ourselves and honor our thoughts, the stronger the voice becomes until everything in you shouts you into the right direction.
The more you listen in on what it is that you truthfully feel, the more you will hear your voice. The more you act upon your thoughts, the more you will naturally receive the direction you need. We think we can lie to yourselves and get away but truthfully we ourselves always know when we deny ourselves something.

If there is something you want for yourself, give it appropriate meaning instead of ignoring it. Your own impulse to act is your intuition directing you. Honoring your inner voice means you are honoring yourself and your thoughts. Women often learned early to put other people first. This leads to ignoring your own hopes, thoughts and impulse for the sake of others which can lead to stagnation, emptiness and bitterness.
The individuals who made the biggest difference in the world were the ones who were aligned and connected with themselves, honoring their own inner world. It helped them to instinctively go into the right direction and make the best decisions.

Do you listen to your own impulse and gut feeling? Do you have a strong inner voice that guides you to make the best decision?

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5 Quick and Easy Ways improve your Relationships

The friends of mine who are working in the Human Resources industry often point out in discussion that people skills are the most crucial strengths to any competent person. 
The ability to create and improve relationships is invaluable to life, since 95% of your personal well-being is created through other people. 
Maintaining and improving relationships to our family and work-related area of life is not always easy. Every individual has a different map of the world  and often expectations are colliding and we find ourselves incapable of behaving constructively.
We cannot change the behavior of the people around us, but we can change ourselves. Through taking and learning the following tips, you can quickly and easily become capable of taking charge of the improvement in your own relationships.

Here are 5 Ways to change your relationships to the better so that you can create well-being, appreciation and happiness in yourself and the people around you:

1) Understand their map of the world: Most difficulties in relationships come from assumptions. We assume we know how the other one thinks, feels or acts because of our own assumptions. However, for every behavior there is a history and background in which the behavior is appropriate. You just need to understand the background in order to understand and appreciate the behavior. Stop making assumptions and start understanding where other people are coming from. When you in discussions with other people, be aware of where this person is coming from and how their input has value.

2) Refrain from using the word “but”: “But” is a very rude word to use in discussions. If you use the word “but”, you are talking over every information the other person provided. “But” deletes any sentence before hand and makes other people feel unheard, disrespected and unappreciated. “But” is also heavily used for excuses to defenses. Be aware: “However” is just a more polite version of the word “but”.

3) Show appreciation: In order to show others that you care about their input and value, it is necessary that you consistently show appreciation through positive remarks. Those remarks will not be used for performance evaluation. When you positively remark on something, don’t continue discussing downfalls. Appreciation should be shown as a stand-alone compliment which can be presented in form of words, quick post-it note, email or text. This is one thing every person in this world has in common: Everyone would like to be respected and appreciated - doing so will greatly improve the quality of relationships and show that you are aware of the value other people have.

4) Only share negative Feedback in private: Be very considerate of other people. When you share negative Feedback or recommendations for better behavior, do so in a private setting and be sure to check in with your own intentions. Your own intentions should be sincere, honest and positive as supposed to vengeful or negative. If your intention is to make a point, you will be incapable of reaching the other person with your Feedback.

5) Improve your Self-Esteem: Improving your self-esteem is the surest way to improve your relationships. If you are unhappy with yourself, any of your relationships will suffer - guaranteed. You will be likely to show more cynicism, critique, fear and hopelessness. On the contrary if you work to improve your Self-Esteem, you will become more flexible, patient, resilient and generous. Your Self-Esteem is in direct relation to the quality of your relationships. Do whatever you need in terms of investing in yourself, becoming motivated and reaching your goals in order to become more fulfilled and proud of yourself.

Those are 5 quick ways to change your behavior. You can implement any of the suggestions immediately and it will increase the quality of all of your relationships. They say if you need a friend you need to be a friend. Listen, act and appreciate in ways that are honorable and positive. This will show your integrity, your intelligence and your emotional capacity to respect and value others. No matter if you are interested in being a role model, a friend, a partner or an employee -  your actions will always have an effect on how you will be treated in future interactions. Most of us forget to give others the gifts of truly listening and acting respectfully. Fortunately those are easy attitudes to learn and if you commit to do so today, it will change the quality of your life tomorrow.

Quick and Easy Ways to reach your Goals

Even though we all enjoy having Goals for ourselves, we are often afraid that it might take too much Persistence to get what it is we want. 
Goals are great - but what do you do to reach in them and make it reality? Here are two ways that I found helpful in the department of quick and easy Persistence Support:

Decide: When you set a Goal for yourself you need to consciously make a decision. Decide right now that no matter what will happen, you will never give up. Road blocks, obstacles, setbacks will be natural. Whatever it is that might make it difficult, you will never ever give up and always keep going. It is quite easy to take a minute and make this decision but it will have an amazing effect on your outlook and your future set of actions.
To make this decision is both liberating and also a Determination boost. We rarely make the conscious decision, so excuses and distractions happen easier. If you take a moment and tell yourself you decide to never give up, you feel encouraged, determined and proud. Then, when obstacles hit, you take them for what they are - nothing more than another lesson that helps you understand what it is you need to do to succeed.

2.Visualize: Another way to quickly build Persistence and Determination is to visualize your Goal. Whatever it is you want to reach, make it a detailed picture or movie in your minds eye. How would the future situation look like? What would you do, say, wear, have, once you reached your goal? Paint a picture of your future success and make it vivid. Get excited and emotional about your future Goal - the more detailed and vivid your Goal is, the more you know what you work for. This will make your Goal real and tangible. If you visualize, you never loose track of what it is you want. Visualizing takes about 3-5 minutes and is both easy and exciting to do. Without visualizing we get distanced from the goals we set because we never have a true idea of how it would look like to get what it is you want. Your mind is amazing in that it can simulate experiences and interpret your goals in a way that shows you what a successful future for you would look like. Be sure to visualize and this will give you the extra strength and power you need in order to work the extra mile for what it is you want.

So make sure to decide that you will keep on going no matter what happens. Also relax and get creative about the visual interpretation of your goal. When you close your eyes, see the people, objects, nature or whatever it is you would have once you reached your goal. Again, the more vivid and detailed, the more powerful the visualization process is. All those are tools and resources you can use to build your persistence and determination. Truthfully, if you properly set your goals and keep refocusing on them as you go along, you are  already more than halfway there.

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How to substitute negative Self-talk with positive Self-talk

As we talked about in the post here, Self-talk is one of the most limiting factors in your life.

All day long you have a record playing in your head of phrases you use in order to tell  yourself why you can’t have what you want. We all gather limiting beliefs like possessions over the course of our lifetime and most of those limiting beliefs become sentences we tell ourselves day in and out. 

Your record of negative Self-talk might have been playing since the last decade, but you become so accustomed to it that it keeps playing even if it’s already old news. Somewhere along the way we learned that we are too young, too old, too damaged, too stupid, too heavy, too naive, to make anything out of ourselves. We all have been told at some point why we can’t have what we want. Even if we don’t truly believe those excuses anymore, the record might still be playing in your head - telling you why you are incapable of materializing any hopes and dreams you’re having. This will always hold you back because our human instinct is to be consistent with our beliefs. If your beliefs and your self-talk is negative, then you will keep yourself from reaching any goals you might be having.

Fortunately you can make the decision now to stop the negative Self-talk. You can get pen and paper and write down what it is that you truthfully believe about yourself and life. Write down the one liner sentences you remember about life, work, relationships and yourself. You will learn what the stories are you’ve been telling yourself and what excuses you’ve been holding on to. What are the consequences to holding on to those beliefs?

Substitute your negative Self-talk with positive Self-talk. Words have such power that when you start telling yourself positive beliefs in an emotional way, you will feel and live in a more positive way, consistent with what you are telling yourself. Tell yourself that you are strong, confident, competent, positive, relaxed, successful - whatever the traits are that you want for yourself. Even if you have to pretend in the beginning - if you pretend and link emotion to the way you want to feel, you will inevitable get to the state of mind you need. Your brain cannot differentiate between reality or simulation, which is why memories make you feel emotional even if the situation is years away. You have been telling yourself many negative stories so far - none of which were actually reality. So start building up positive, empowering one liners about yourself and your capabilities. Take out pen and paper and write down one liners about who you want to be, writing in a way as if you are already there: “I am getting stronger every day.” “I am living consistent with my purpose and make a difference for the people around me”, “I love my life because I have people around me that I love and who love me”. Make up whatever it is that feels the most powerful to you, something that would get you excited. Tell it to yourself when you wake up and when you go to bed. It will change the way you feel, behave and the way you see yourself.