If you would like to start changing the way arguments turn out for you, if you would like to gain control of discussions before they go out of control or if you would like to behave in a way that guarantees success:
What is meant by flexibility?
Flexibility is the capability to change your (communication) approach to any situation whenever it is necessary.
Every time we fail in a situation or miss to display qualities we need, it is because we get carried away with your emotions.
In arguments, conversations, fights, board meetings, company meetings, sales meetings - whatever interaction you have with someone, what counts most is your ability to remain flexible in the situation.
We fail when we start doubting ourselves in the middle of the meeting, or we don’t succeed with one approach and become paralyzed, or we simply take something serious or personal.
We tell ourselves a story about what this situation means and this makes us feel stuck.
The person with the most flexibility will rule the system.
You have the ability to change your approach at any point:
Stop yourself and ask:
What would I need to believe to feel this way right now?
Do I believe this is a personal attack?
Would that actually be true?
What is this conversation REALLY about?
Does the other person have a bad day or a bad experience?
What is the background of the other person/people - what are their beliefs?
Right now you give something more meaning than it actually has and you believe something about the other person that is not necessarily true. When you catch yourself in a place where an interaction goes downhill, pause and check in with your intention.
What is your intention in this situation? What do you want to get out of the interaction? How could you alter that intention, change your tone of voice and your body posture.
What do you want out of this interaction?
Flexibility works best for you, if you are able to take someone else’s input without judgement and present your own opinion with the best sincerity and certainty you can display.
Then if one of your arguments does not come across effectively, accept it and move on to a different approach.
As simple as it sounds: If one approach doesn't work, try something else.
People are not their behavior and you have to realize that not every approach works for every situation - but we usually assume we can win an argument with everyone in the same way.
If you can be flexible in your approach with your family, employees, employer, you will immediately increase the amount of influence you have and therefore the success in any interaction.